Money Changes Everything

I've been feeling strange lately, and not just because I've had a wicked cold, which explains the lack of posts to this site. For the last ten months my life has been in a holding pattern, and it's all directly related to money and our lack thereof. I am a writer—a fiction writer. I have an MFA in creative writing from a decent university and a handful of publishing credits. I wrote a novel a few years back (still unpublished) and completed a short story collection (also unpublished), and last year, before we moved, I started work on a second novel. Other than this blog, and an article I wrote for a local magazine, I have not been able to write in almost a year. I have always been extremely disciplined, writing everyday, twice a day (one session in the morning and another in the afternoon), all while managing an art gallery and keeping the books for our three companies. I know that a large part of the problem is not having my own space; we've been living at my in-laws' camp and everything I own is in the garage out back. My former discipline relied on routine, and I just can't seem to get my act together.

What I can do is obsess about money, and this scares me a bit. I've always been interested in personal finance and frugality, but I also had a healthy perspective and didn't let it rule my life. Now, it's all I think about. I know that my obsession is filling the space that used to be devoted to writing, and I also know that once I start writing again, it will resume its proper place in my life. I hope. Not all of it is my own doing. There's a hierarchy of needs—we need our own house; I need my personal possessions; we need health insurance; I need to have my eyes examined and get new contact lenses; we need to register our car—and writing is not at the top of the list. Our needs consume me. And I'm tired.

Please excuse the excessive introspection, but I don't recognize my own life. The way I am living right now is not who I am. And I hate the fact that I've wasted an entire year. I just feel so lost.